Thank you wordpress – you’ve given me a topic I can actually get my teeth into. Today’s challenge:
Daily Prompt: Happy Happy Joy Joy
Google How To Be Happy and you’re going to have to trawl through 2 billion sites. However, choose How To Be Less Miserable and there’s only around 48 million – and most of those seem to think I mean Les Miserables. Of course you could argue that they are one and the same as I watched Les Miserables and cried a lot, particularly when Fantine fell on hard times, and felt much perkier for it. So, if around 47 million sites are about the musical, that leaves only around 1 million sites for How To Be Less Miserable. Take out half a million YouTube clips of kittens falling into swing bins, and 400,000 or so adverts for products that make you at least look less miserable, then you’ll have to agree that this is a hugely untapped market.
Discovering you aren’t quite as happy as you thought you were can be rather depressing. Depression takes many forms and some people don’t know if they are actually depressed, or just a bit miserable. To be honest, in either instance, the last thing you want to be worrying about is diagnosis, so my advice for anyone wrapped in their duvet in the corner of their bedroom is: assume clinical mardiness
If you find you have accidentally married a gay man there is a good chance that you will find the person you married has been unfaithful.
There are two types of infidelity: the affair, and the shag. If your husband is gay their infidelity is the latter, although to them it may feel like the former. An affair is often seen by the parties having the affair as lots of fun, exciting and dangerous. It is likely to make at least one of them feel younger, thinner, and if bald, temporarily hairy. It will be characterised by crashing waves, net curtains blowing through an open window, and classic power ballads: to everyone else it will merely be two people struggling in a wheelie bin cupboard.
The main culprit in the affair is known as a philanderer. The philanderer, despite having a lovely time, will often be tired. Trying to fit in an affair around a marriage requires a high degree of energy and subterfuge. The best way to conduct an affair is to “join a gym”. Health clubs know that 35% of their turnover comes from people who join but never actually attend as they are busy having affairs – this explains why there is always a space available in the spinning class (footnote: if you like all things yarn-based you will be very disappointed if you are hoping to join a class where you can spin the wool for your own traditional Welsh nursing shawl). The advantage of “joining a gym” is that you can plausibly be absent for several hours a week and come home sweaty and tired: the disadvantage is that your spouse will begin to wonder how someone so dedicated to the gym is still not ripped. To counter this, the philanderer must try to incorporate star jumps and bunny hops into their sexual repertoire. Other strategies include: